It is Easter Sunday
evening. The disciples have
blockaded themselves behind all sorts of barriers. They are hiding behind locked doors to keep out the
religious and political authorities.
They are hiding behind locked hearts to block out the memory of how they
abandoned Jesus. They are hiding
behind locked minds to veil the unnerving possibility that Jesus is indeed
risen—as Mary Magdalene reported earlier that day. Hiding behind physical, emotional, and mental barriers, the
disciples find themselves face to face with the resurrected Jesus. With “Peace be with you,” he offers
them his forgiveness and encourages them to forgive themselves. Breathing the Holy Spirit out, he
breathes new life into this group of his followers and restores the faith of
each one there.
But
not all his disciples are there that 1st Easter Sunday evening. Thomas is among the missing. Why he is not there, we do not
know. Three evenings ago, when
soldiers arrested Jesus, all his disciples scattered—hiding so that they
would not be arrested, charged, tried, convicted, and crucified. Perhaps, burdened by his own guilt,
Thomas has not yet left his individual hiding place to join with the other
fearful disciples. Why he is not
there this 1st Easter Sunday evening, we do not know. Perhaps Thomas had re-joined the group hiding
together in this locked room, but he left earlier that evening. Why? To see the empty tomb for himself, to determine whether it’s
safe for the group to come out, to get food and other supplies while they remain
holed up for awhile? Why he is not
there, we do not know.
But
we can safely assume his emotions run high when he hears that Jesus has
appeared to the other disciples in his absence. What is Thomas feeling? Surely grief over the death of his beloved teacher, friend,
and mentor. What is Thomas
feeling? Regret—for the part he
played in Jesus’ death. Stomach
full from the Passover feast—food and wine, he dozed in the upper room as Jesus
and the others went to pray.
Hearing of Jesus’ arrest, he hid from the authorities. He offered no testimony at Jesus’
trial. He did not even offer his
presence at the foot of Jesus’ cross.
His actions speak of cowardice, lack of faith, and betrayal. What is Thomas feeling? Jealousy—of the other disciples’ encounter
with the risen Jesus; jealousy—of the confidence this experience has re-birthed
in them; jealousy—of the peace and strength that seems to permeate their
conversations and actions now.
What is Thomas feeling?
Anger—that he missed out on this experience; anger that Jesus did not
choose to appear to him. I hear
that anger loud and clear in his words.
“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands, unless I put my
finger into the wounds left by the nails, unless I put my hand in
the hole in his side, I refuse to believe.
It
is not his doubt but instead how Thomas reacts to his emotions—regret, jealousy,
and anger—that threatens this fragile group of believers. On that 1st Easter Sunday
evening, Jesus breaks through physical, emotional and mental barriers to reach
his disciples. Released from their
guilt by his forgiveness, empowered by the breath of his peace, the other
disciples are revived, renewed, re-invigorated. And then Thomas, who has traveled with them, learned with
them, served with them, eaten with them every day of the last 3 years; Thomas
not only questions their encounter with Jesus, but he refuses to believe their
testimony. It is as if Thomas is
calling them all liars.
I
taught high school students math for 15 years. I can remember hearing a student make a comment under his or
her breath. And I would say, “Why did you just say that about such and such. .
. ? Sometimes the student would
respond, “I didn’t say that.” And
I would think to myself, I know what I heard. But then I would begin to doubt. I can remember seeing a student look on another student’s
paper and then return to his/her own test, and I would walk over and say “Keep
your eyes on your own paper. This
is a test of what you’ve learned.” Sometimes the student would respond, “I am
looking only on my paper.” nd I
would think to myself, I know what I saw.
But then I would begin to doubt.
The student would say I didn’t . . . and I would doubt my own experience—what
I heard, what I saw.
I
wonder if the disciples feel this same way when Thomas, who has been like a
brother these last 3 years, refuses to accept their experience. Do they begin to doubt what their own
senses have told them? They saw
Jesus. They heard his voice. They felt the air from his breath. They
smelled the aromas from it. But
when Thomas refuses to believe their testimony by challenging their group
encounter, do the other disciples begin to doubt their shared group
experience? Thomas’ challenge of
their encounter and refusal to believe them tears the fabric of their
community. Therein lies the
problem with Thomas and his behavior.
It
does not lie with his personal doubts, but instead with how he chooses to
express those doubts, in the context of his regret, jealousy and anger. The problem lies in what he does to the
community of faith. He lashes out at them with an ultimatum—I have to
see, I have to hear, I have to experience before I will even
entertain the possibility that you all have seen, that you all
have heard, that you all have experienced. The problem is that Thomas puts his desires
before the needs of the faith community. If only he could name his emotions, own
his doubts, and ask for what he needs—not what he wants but what he needs. If
only he could say—I hear you had this encounter with Jesus, and it appears to
have been a turning point for you all.
I see confidence in your posture, and I hear forgiveness in your
voices. I wish I could have been
here because I feel numb with grief. I am paralyzed with regret. I feel shut out by jealousy. I need your help to claim Jesus’
forgiveness. I need your patience while I sort through all that has
happened. I need time before I can
claim with you—Christ is risen. If
only Thomas could respond that way.
Our
scripture says “after 8 days.”
There is a period of time after the other disciples share with Thomas
their encounter with the risen Christ.
There is a period of time in which the community of faith gives Thomas
what he needs—time, patience, and forgiveness—even though he does not ask for
it. There is a period of time in
which the disciples give Thomas what he needs—forgiveness—for his distrusting,
hurtful words—even though he doesn’t ask for it. There is a period of time when the disciples give Thomas
what he needs—patience with his doubts—even though he doesn’t ask for it. There is a period of time when the
faith community holds Thomas in their trusting, nurturing, fragile embrace—a
period of time until Thomas can receive what he needs from Jesus.
After
8 days, the whole group is behind locked doors when Jesus appears again. Offering Thomas the same sensory
encounter he had offered the other disciples previously, Jesus invites Thomas
to look, to listen, and to touch—and then, to respond with no more disbelief—to
respond with belief. Even though
Thomas’ words and actions have been chipping away at the foundation of his
faith community, Jesus offers him forgiveness with the invitation “Believe—for
yourself” and with the command “no more disbelief,” no more ripping apart this
faith community.
We
may find ourselves playing the role of Thomas. As individuals, demanding what we want or what we desire
instead of putting the needs of the faith community first, like Thomas we
threaten the health and well-being of our church. Naming our own emotions, claiming our individual fears,
asking for what we need—not what we want, but what we need—we can be truthful
about our doubts our anxieties, and our fears without harming our
congregation.
We
may find ourselves—as a congregation—cast in the role of the other
disciples.
Jesus breathes new life
into us—this community of faith—enabling us to forgive one another; empowering
us to see, to name, and to stand up to conflict between individual desires and
the needs of the entire congregation.
Relying on the peace Jesus extends to us and renewed by the
spirit-strength he breathes into us, we can claim the promise of a vibrant
ministry here—even when individuals question our future. A welcoming community of faith, we are
called to hold onto those in our midst who experience doubt and fear. We hold onto to each other by claiming
the grace, the love, and the forgiveness of God. We claim it for others even when they cannot claim it for
themselves. How? By praying, welcoming, forgiving, calling,
visiting, sending cards, feeding—all of this is holding onto each other.
Just
as Thomas ultimately received from Jesus what he needed—to dispel his doubts,
to overcome his fears, to accept and receive forgiveness, to claim my Lord and
my God! so too will we—each one of
us and all of us—receive from Jesus what we need—all in God’s time.
No
more disbelief . . . Jesus the Christ will help us believe.
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